Its been a while, but he is finally back. The homie its us with a rough draft of something something he has in the works. Can't wait to read more. Good job sir.
Once more, with passion
"I’ve started writing this story many times already, but I always tend to find it wanting. My own worst enemy is myself, in creativity as in everything else. It’s hard to jot down what I think, as my fingers come nowhere near the efficiency of my mind. While I write these paragraphs I have processed endless elements subject to other chapters or even other tales I wish to share, and in the conundrum of words, the ones you read right now might not be the ones I projected. I have no training, incentive or even ambition to write, I just know that I need to do it. Some claim it’s purification of the soul, an outlet for the mind or just for the love of writing, but I can’t really say why I do it. Maybe it’s a megalomaniacal ambition of leaving a legacy before I’ve actually had something to leave behind. I think it’s partially out of fear of not amounting to anything, as I probably could amount to anything in this day and age. With all these possibilities, I could leave any legacy I’d desire, yet I feel like I’m going absolutely nowhere. Every day I undermine my ambitions and succumb to the mediocrity that surrounds me, but I have come to understand that the reason why my story is found wanting, is because my life is the same. I thoroughly hope I was destined for something greater than what currently occupies me, and the self-preservation mechanisms forces me to take action.
If I eat myself, will I get twice as big, or will I disappear completely?
I guess it’s fairly unorthodox opening with a question, but as this is my story, it’s also mine to tell. Some people grow into a sense of self-absolution from devouring themselves. They end up finding true happiness when they are at peace with who they are, eating themselves to grow twice as big. I, on the other hand, would disappear completely. It is not the recognition of me I desire, it’s everyone else’s. We are fostered to believe that everything will be all right as soon as we love ourselves, but I know this won’t suffice. I am prone to judgment from all, not just from God or myself. It’s probably a certain amount of dumb adolescence involved, and it certainly won’t be the last of it in this story, but I possess enough insight to recognize it as well. And insight is one of the absent virtues of this world, very few do possess it. I daresay it’s one of my finest qualities, as I don’t have too many good traits. The efficiency of one’s being is amplified as soon as you understand what your standings are, and it’s a textbook thing to say, but please realize what you’re good at. We would all benefit from it, and if you can’t sing or calculate, don’t do shit that involves either.
As for my goals, they’ve changed a great deal in the last five years, and seeing that I am still no more than 20 years of age, they will undergo a change or two along the way. Its hard being from a generation predisposed with all the possibilities good men and women before us have died in order to preserve. Take this and fuse it with the human desires towards success and status and have it culminate in a nice potpourri of “you owe us” sprinkled with a dash of “why be small when you can be whatever you want to”. We crave money, but we don’t want to desire it. We covet fame, but we should never claim it. We join the race, but we’re expected to surrender the ambitions of leading the pack. I find it interesting that our culture has evolved to a sick and bilateral being of opposing interests. The concept of democracy and collective wellbeing in contrast to the more Darwinist approach of adaptive survival makes no sense when you add the egotistical and narcissistic ways of the human persona in the mix. I guess if you link social desires and synergy through teamwork and add “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” you end up with a grim, yet understandable conception of a dystopian society of well-behaved individuals." - Rydis
